I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize