i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
