i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
