no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
