This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
