2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
