Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
