Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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