she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
