Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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