wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
