I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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