The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize