Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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