this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
