Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
