Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
