i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
