Apparently you make a good broom.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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