What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
