Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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