His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
