Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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