I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
