i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
