i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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