that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
