brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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