He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
