are you so shy because you have an std?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
