No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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