From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
