when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
