ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
