i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
