i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
