We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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