I want to make a zoo with you.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
