M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
