remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
