whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
