Say something about gay babies.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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