Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
