i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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