Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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