You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
