Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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