you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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