I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i love accidental penises.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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