I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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