1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
