You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
