I want to make a zoo with you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize