i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize