I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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