i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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