Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
