that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
