You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
