you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
