You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
