You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think my fart just growled at me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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