Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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