I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am available for nakedness
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
