Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize